Parenting LGBTQ Children
Information
From Published Scientific Literature
Parenting LGBTQ Children
Information
From Published Scientific Literature
A HEALTHY AND HAPPY LIFE
You have a child who has told you or you suspect is lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, or in some other way different from the norm in terms of sexual attraction or gender presentation. You love your child and want to support them in their journey toward a healthy and happy adulthood regardless of how they identify. But you have questions about the unique vulnerabilities they face and want to learn more information, free of ideological agendas. Standard guides on parenting and sex education are geared to cisgender straight teens and fail to tell you what you need to know in dealing with your teenager. Wonderful organizations like PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays – https://pflag.org) provide encouragement and support, but do not address certain difficult issues that may trouble you.
These young people are often classified as LGBTQ+, but for several reasons, we prefer to call them “rainbow kids.” As the prominent developmental psychologist Ritch Savin-Williams of Cornell University has recently documented(https://nyupress.org/9781479811434/bi/), young people today resist the traditional labels and are far more fluid and experimental in terms of sexual preference and gender presentation than they were when most of us were growing up. They recognize many different styles of combining gender traits that should not necessarily be considered “trans,” and even if they do not explicitly identify themselves as “bi-sexual,” they are more open to sexual and/or romantic attractions to partners regardless of gender.
We are a team of rainbow-supportive sex educators, clinical psychologists, academics, journalists, and sexual minority young people and have assembled the best information we can find from published scientific literature on a range of questions that parents like you are going to have. On controversial issues, we attempt to present opposing arguments in a balanced manner, while making it clear what we think the preponderence of evidence shows.
Every teen is unique, and no one knows yours better than you do. As parents, you are going to have to reach your own conclusions about what is in the best interest of your child. We aim to equip you with accurate, evidence-based information that will make it easier for you to discuss challenging issues with your developing teenager and other family members in a manner that is authoritative and fact-based, rather than emotional or judgmental.
You are invited to leave your own observations or questions in the comment feature at the end of each question and answer subsection. Other parents will benefit from hearing your perspective and experience.
Evidence Based Q&A Sections
LGBT youth tend to be sexually active at younger ages than their straight peers, often because they want to test or confirm their identity. This is not harmful, as long as they have good information on practicing safer sex and negotiating mutual consent.
Sex Ed in public schools is usually oriented to heterosexual monogamy and contains little material pertinent to sexual and gender minorities. However, there are many online sources to which you can send your teens for good information.
Parental support is essential to the healthy development of rainbow kids. Changes in family composition pose special risks for them.
Rainbow Youth of Color experience more encounters with the criminal justice system, more teenage pregnancies, more bullying and victimization at school; they engage in more risky behavior, report higher feelings of vulnerability and stress, and face more discrimination in their daily lives.
Many gay teens first confront the reality of their same-sex attractions by viewing pornography, and learn from it what Sex Ed in schools didn’t teach them. While underage exposure is not necessarily harmful, they need to learn that the scenarios of pornography are usually not realistic.
Sexual minority teens experiment with alcohol and drugs at higher rates than their straight peers.
Teens may not know the signs of such an infection, or out of shame fail to tell anyone about it so that it can be properly treated.
Some parents may be concerned because their teenager appears to have no interest in sexual matters at all. There are various possible causes, among them asexuality, which characterizes about 1% of the population.
It is normal for sexual/gender minority teens to seek older role models from whom they can learn how to negotiate life in their identity.
The last decade has seen a notable rise in young people who exhibit some level of discomfort with their sex assigned at birth.
Sexual orientation is influenced by a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental factors. It is important not to blame yourself or view your child’s unique path as a disappointment.
Not all colleges are equally well-suited for rainbow students. We give you a guide of what to look for in helping your teen choose a college, and also list special scholarship opportunities.